The wait is over; the MTV Video Music Award nominee list has been announced and No Doubt got five nominations. This band, I am at once in awe of and frightened by its refusal to die; they're like the penicillin-resistant bacteria: "Amoxycillin? I eat this shit for breakfast. Bwa ha ha! Now, before I was so rudely interrupted, I was giving you runny poop." No Doubt is to music as "Wings" was to NBC's primetime schedule—it's like 1996, you're flipping channels, and all of a sudden, there's Tim Daly arguing with Steven Weber about being more responsible.  And you're like "What... the fuck? This is still on? Who watches this?" Precisely. I have a feeling the people who kept "Wings" on for 23 years and No Doubt fans run along the same Y axis of mediocrity.

And in case you hadn't heard it enough in commercials and from Jettas driven by sorority girls, Jet's going to perform everyone's favorite song of 2000, "Are You Gonna Be My Girl?"