Did you know that Christopher Reeve died? If only the goddamn liberal media would mention it.

I think the most heartwarming aspect of Christopher Reeve's death is the way local entertainment reporters have sprung fearlessly into action. These poor bastards sit on the sideline and usually have to work up a lather, which they often do effortlessly, about some celebrity passing through town in some sad play ("You might remember Anson Williams as Potsie from "Happy Days," but from now on he'll be known as Sister Catherine Mary from the touring company of 'Nunsense'!"). But this... this is big time news. They get the news thrown to them at the top of the broadcast. Because nothing else is going on in the world. It's about time we busted this Iraq story down below the profile of the local man trying to break a record for most basketballs spun at one time.

And I can just see them, sitting in their cubicles. saying "This is my time to shine! They need me now." And they come up with clever lines like "Superman: Grounded!" and "Superman had his kryptonite; Christopher Reeve's kryptonite was simple motor functions while sleeping." They get to delve into their vast knowledge of celebrity history ("Did you know Christopher Reeve was quite the theater star before Superman? It's true!") and personal history with the dead ("You talk about really nice people in Hollywood? Christopher Reeve is at the top of that list. A class act!"). And they get all serious and throw to live shots of people kissing Reeve's star in Hollywood. Then, most impressively, switch gears on a dime and tell everyone to tune in later so they can let you know what the dog from "Frasier" is up to these days ("Straight from the dog's mouth!").

So hats off to you, local entertainment reporter. Now's your time to shine.