Four months from now, at the MTV Video Music Awards in Miami, P. Diddy will disembark from a white yacht, in a white suit, where a glassy-eyed Carson Daly, in a subtle Freudian move, will stick his microphone as tantalizingly close as possible to P.'s lips and will repeat what he spent the past four days rehearsing: "Who do you like for best video tonight?"

And P. Diddy will take a moment, and says "First off all, I want to give much love to our boys overseas." Then he will kiss his fingers and point at the sky. "But to answer your question, it all comes back to 'America We Stand As One.' And I told you I want to be referred to as Lord Chester Autumnbottom from now on, but I'll let it slide this one time." And Carson Daly will smile his awkward smile, says "Thanks, Lord Autumnbottom," and release just a little bit of urine into his drawers.