It's official! The talk of the town is the awe-inspiring craptitude of "My Humps". "Knock, knock, knock!" Who's there? "Zeitgeist."

I'd pretty much avoided the song, but you don't need to spend the night in a trashcan to know it stinks. But with all this overwhelming commentary devoted to one song destined for a VH1 "hey-remember-that-crappy-song" special, we may be at a cultutal crossroads: this may be what causes the cultural revolt, where the music snobs take up arms, lead by John Zorn and Tweedy, and storm the radio stations. And you know what? More power to them. Oh, who am I kidding? More power to us; I'm no causually observer. Si su puede, motherfucker.

What's most interesting is that this song and Shaggy's "It Wasn't Me" are both considered "unsolicited singles," meaning the record companies didn't push the single, programmers and the masses did. And both songs are poop. Heavy poop. So analyze that and see what it says about populist demand. I always thought that if record companies didn't shove crap down the throat of the masses, people may find better music. Oops!

Remember when the Black Eyed Peas recording studio caught on fire? Did God know something we didn't, and tried, in his passive-aggressive way, to stop the madness? Could it be that God said "I'll let planes crash into buildings, but fuck this. Seriously, I gotta draw the line somewhere"? And when the Peas rose above God's will to give him the finger and hit number one, did G.O.D. throw up his hands and say "That's it. I'm done. Have fun at the Rapture"?

Is there a theologian in the house? Or at least someone who reads the "Left Behind" series? I'm kinda worried.