Saturday, December 25, 2004

That's what happens in the parking lot/ that's what happens on stage...

If you're in D.C. on Monday, a second Roots show was added at the 9:30; Sunday's show is sold out. Honest to God, since I'm not going to be in town for the next week or so, the show I'm most disappointed to miss is GWAR on Tuesday. I mean really, it's only $15, and that's a steal. Who doesn't want to see GWAR?

[Insert Sublime lyric here]

Oh my God, Sublime won't die. I guess the old saying is true; as long as there are frat boys, there will always be a demand for middle management positions, the morning-after pill, and Sublime.

Dreamt about killing you again last night/ and it felt alright to me...

Little Christmas present from Tweedy and company, but it's not presciption drugs. That Fillmore show they broadcasted on the web a month or so ago? The one they've been promising to archive since then? It's up, and it sounds pretty good.

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Original pirate material/ yer listenin' to The Streets/ lock down yer aerial...

According to, D.C. has itself a real live pirate radio station, just in time for the inaugration (or, as scientists and sociologists are calling it, the Great Asshole Migration of 2005).

Sunday, December 19, 2004

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard...

My friend Brian makes a good point:
Did you know that the Kelis album - you know, 'Milkshake' - is one of the top 50 albums of the year? Rolling Stone told me. You can just see Toure in the meeting where they voted: "Ted Leo? Who's that?" Ohio is to the electoral college as Toure is to the top 50 list of the Rolling Stone albums.

Here Comes Fatty Claus...

John Waters talks about his favorite Christmas songs, which fortuitously all ended up on a CD called A John Waters Christmas. It's sure to be kitschy.

Hot lights, wanted ad/ Crazy what you could have had...

So it's a week before Christmas and not only haven't I gotten the R.E.M. Christmas Package, but they haven't even announced what's on the CD. Should it really take this long to say that it's another live version of "Country Feedback"? (This one has Thom Yorke playing the spoons on it!)

Like a matador with his pork sword/ while we all die with laughter...

Do we care that Elvis Costello has new EPs or a DVD? We keep thinking: "This is the one that sounds like This Year's Model" (or My Aim Is True, depending on your persuasion). But it's not. We keep thinking it is. But it's not. We should learn one of these times. Hell, even Pavlov's dogs learned after a bit.

Saturday, December 18, 2004

And though I like to act the part of being tough/ I crumble like a sugarcube for you...

Yo La Tengo gets the retrospective compilation treatment, which is the musical equivalent of a lifetime acheivement Oscar. So... Matador considers Yo La Tengo dead. Poor bastards.

Friday, December 17, 2004

You're obselete, my baby/ My poor old-fashioned lady/ I said baby, baby, baby, you're out of time...

Catfight! Meow!
Good Charlotte Singer Heats Up Duff/ Lohan Beef: Good Charlotte's Joel Madden has allegedly gotten into the middle of the beef between Lindsay Lohan and Hilary Duff.

Backstage at last Friday's Z-100 Jingle Ball radio festival in New York, the pop-punk singer refused to give Lohan's 8-year-old brother an autograph until she publicly apologized to Duff for their ongoing war of words, according to an eyewitness.
Look at the fake suburban punk stirring up shit. With an 8 year old. This is bigger than when Joe Strummer demanded Mick Jagger apologizen to the Shrimpton sisters for playing games with their hearts.

The hung a sign up in our town/ "If you live it up you won't live it down"...

The best part of Mystery Men takes another role.
Waits Cast In 'Domino' Film

Tom Waits has taken a role in the film 'Domino.' Tony Scott ('Man on Fire,' 'Enemy of the State') is directing the movie, which is based on the true story of model Domino Harvey, who gave up a life in the spotlight to become a bounty hunter.
No word on if "The black Tom Waits", Allston's Mr. Butch, has taken a role in Fat Albert.

Got me a chrysler, it's as big as a whale...

They say it was a place for hugging and a-kissing. Dancing. Loving. They were wearing next to nothing. Why? It was hot as an oven. And that's irony's cue to enter, stage left.
Fire destroys cabin that inspired `Love Shack'

The tin roof and a burned-out frame are all that remain of a cabin believed to have inspired the B-52's '80s party hit "Love Shack."

Athens-Clarke County fire officials said Thursday they considered the fire that gutted the unoccupied five-room cabin set back in a field "suspicious" and hadn't ruled out arson.
Arson, you say? Perhaps someone put off by the sign that says "Stay away fools, 'cause love rules... at the lo-uh-ove shack". Now all that remains is the burnt-out ember, much like the dreams of former-quarterback, Toby Keith-listening, middle managers that populate the red states of this nation.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Candles hanging low/ lots of mistletoe...

I should make more lists. Lists make the world go 'round. Now's as good a time as any for this one, I guess.

Top Ten Christmas Songs
1. What Christmas Means to Me - Stevie Wonder
2. Santa Claus is Coming To Town - Springsteen
3. Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) - U2
4. Christmas in Hollis - Run-DMC
5. Fairytale of New York - The Pogues
6. Mistress for Christmas - AC/DC
7. Back Door Santa - B.B. King
8. Christmas Time Is Here - Vince Guaraldi Trio
9. Father Christmas - The Kinks
10. All I Want For Christmas is You - Mariah Carey (Yes, the guiltiest of pleasures. Dirtier than having gay sex with a cousin on top of a bag of poop.)

But she cries like a little girl...

According to Rolling Stone, Paris Hilton is one of the most fascinating people of the year. I wasn't aware Barbara Walters was on their editorial board. And of course, they interview her. Does anyone care what she has to say? When she opens her mouth, most people don't care what comes out, only what they can slip in. This is the shit you get when someone pretends to give a crap:
"I love pillows. I need three under my head. I also have the air at fifty degrees. I need to have a fan blowing in my face. I need to wear an eye mask, always. I can't sleep if I don't have an eye mask. I'll tie a T-shirt around my face. I'll look crazy."
Poor poor princess, falling asleep on a pea. And also, the question was about the ever-widening gap between rich and poor. But she's got more, because once there's a leak in the dam, it's hard to plug it (unless you've got a video camera and some strong drugs):
"I cannot see any light, or else I will not sleep."
Isn't that the fourth law of the robots? She even says it like one. "I do not have a belief in these things you humans call 'contractions'. And what is this thing you speak of, the... 'love'?" Paris Hilton, one of the most fascinating people of the year. I guess if you dance on enough tables and get a good enough PR person, this counts as fascinating.

"My dress is tight!"
"Fascinating, Paris, tell me more."
"Diamonds shine pretty. An empty bottle has nothing in it because air doesn't count."
"Someone writing this down?"

Of course, I'm writing about it, so... goddamn it, Paris, you are one tricky minx. Hats off to you.

It's not the side effects of the cocaine/ I got a feeling that it must be love...

More Bowie reissues? Oh, they're killing me. I mean, absolutely murdering me. At least I don't have these albums yet.

The boys of the NYPD Choir were singing "Galway Bay"/ and the bells were ringing out for Christmas Day...

You have to love the British. Who else would pick something with the lyrics "You scumbag, you maggot/ You cheap lousy faggot/ Happy Christmas your arse/ And thank God it's our last" as their favorite holiday song?
Pogues' Tune Named Top Christmas Song

LONDON - A bittersweet ballad awash in drink, drugs and regret was voted Britons' favorite Christmas song in a poll released Thursday.

The Pogues' "Fairytale of New York" was selected by British viewers of music channel VH1, beating standards including Bing Crosby (news)'s "White Christmas."

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

I like to ride my bicycle...

So Queen is reuniting, with the guy from Bad Company replacing Mr. Mercury? I mean, he may hit the high notes, but can he capture his unchecked homo-eroticism? Because it's one thing to be subtlely gay and perhaps make a statement on masculinity, it's whole other world when you have a thick mustache and a chest-baring unitard. Mr. Bad Company, are you up for the challenge?
"We were both so amazed at the chemistry that was going on... that suddenly it seems blindingly obvious that there was something happening here"
I do say! Looks like Brian May's at least giving it his best shot.

You better watch out/ you better not cry...

Finally, iTunes has made the Springsteen version of "Santa Claus is Coming To Town" available. And of course, I've already finished up my Christmas mix. The two songs I couldn't get my hands on, either from CD or iTunes, was that song and U2's version of "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)". I guess there's always next year...

Ooh-ee-ooh/ I look just like Buddy Holly... has an excerpt from an upcoming book about Weezer. Was this book necessary? I mean, good band, but a book?

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

U2 and the Pretenders are entering the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. I wonder if when they're inducted, U2 will be wearing iPod t-shirts, or stump for its induction into the hall.

I'm losing track: is Patti Smith inducted? Did they just pass her by? I can't see her not in but letting the Pretenders in. And I wonder if they'll get John Mayer to introduce Buddy Guy.

A slap in the face, courtesy of the Rolling Stone 500 Greatest Songs List

A little late on my part but look at song 301. "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?" by Rod Stewart? Are you absolutely fucking kidding me? Two better than "Ruby Tuesday". Better than most of the R.E.M. and Springsteen catalogs? Now that I think about it, is "The River" on the list? So what you're telling me is that "The River" isn't as good as a song written to suck disco dick? It's better than most Elvis Costello songs, most Clash songs, all of the songs of Fugazi, Superchunk, Jawbox, Jawbreaker, and Wilco? Are they serious?

There was a noise at the window then/ the captain started/ his breath was still...

Well, the Slint reunion tour is starting to take shape. Tickets are going on sale this week for the shows, which are going down next month.

Saturday, December 11, 2004

You pray for rain/ I pray for blindness...

And here's the confirmation: According to the Merge Records website, the Arcade Fire is playing D.C. on Sunday, January 30, not at the Black Cat, but that the 9:30 Club. Supposedly their show has been selling out quick-like, so they've graduated to the bigger venues.

See, I've only had a photograph to drag around...

Here's an archived Richard Buckner performance from the KCRW radio show "Morning Becomes Eclectic". Which is, if I haven't mentioned before, delicious wordplay. The writers of "Frasier" would be proud. So kudos to them.

" So I ask you, the Hoobastank fan: What are the top five Hoobastank songs?"

"The number one Hoobastank song: 'Not applicable'."

This website can be borderline cruel, but you know what? I like cruel. Escpecially when it comes to bad music. The episode about Train is pretty close to genius. "$200 would buy you four cartons of cigarettes!"

And in the interests of full disclosure, yes, I got this from the new issue of Entertainment Weekly. They are my ticket to the cutting edge.

"Entertainment Weekly gave these guys a B+!"

Friday, December 10, 2004

Yeah, the president sucks/ he's a war pig fuck/ his shit is out of luck/ It's the song I hate...

Something to do in D.C. on inagauration day, besides get in fistfights with visiting hicks wearing the American flag as a piece of clothing or some sort of accessory (nothing says patriotism like a stars and stripes fanny pack stuffed with maps and snotty tissues, resting comfortably above a fat saggy ass). At the Black Cat:
Speaking of local shows, how the hell did the Better Than Ezra tonight at the 9:30 sell out? Did 1995 buy all the tickets? Did a bunch of people who fell into comas in the mid-90s all suddenly wake up and needed to quench their thirst for alternative radio rock?

These future sightings/ let me see/ though it feels so good/ you're not for me...

I don't know why, but I Am The World Trade Center's "Future Sightings" has gotten in me like guilt in a post-coital catholic. It's basically the Pet Shop Boys with a girl singing, making it the gayest thing I like right now, supplanting the old number one of having sex with anonymous men. It must be some electronic phase for me, because I downloaded Ladytron's "Seventeen" from iTunes recently. Any which way, I recommend it.

December 8 is not a good day for musicians and deranged shooters...

R.I.P. Dimebag Darrell. Same day Lennon was shot in '80.

I remember years ago Pantera played the Spectrum in Philly, and afterward Dimebag couldn't find his guitar after the show. He came out afterwards firing away, saying Philly sucked, it was a city of thieves, he hated everyone. On and on. The guitar was found the next day when they were cleaning out the dressing room, buried under a pile of pizza boxes.

And in honor of UMass' big win, I linked to the story from the Daily Collegian about Dimebag, which actually popped up at the top of Google News. I spent a lot of time on the couches in that newsroom, so thumbs up all around.

I said from the first/ I am the worst...

Uh oh. New Rolling Stones album? Don Was? And the shitty circle remains unbroken.

Choo-choo Charlie's got a pretty good band...

Wilco's announced some new tour dates for 2K5, including two shows at the 9:30 Club here in D.C.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

The Polyphonic Christmas Carol

More Polyphonic Spree fun, for those in the Dalls/Ft. Worth area. And did you know Tim DeLaughter made the People's Sexiest Men list this year? I thought cult leaders were only sexy to the cult members.
This year's concert will feature an original musical play featuring all twenty four members of the band as actors, dancers, and live soundtrack. "The Polyphonic Christmas Carol," written and directed by Spree French Hornist, Louis Schwadron, unfolds the could-be catastrophe when frustrated lead singer Tim DeLaughter decides to quit his own band on Christmas Eve, wishing he'd never started the band in the first place. With a comedic spin on the classic Dickens original, Tim will be visited by a slew of spirit guides tossing him into a tempest of his own cloudy Christmas wish. Will Tim save himself, The Polyphonic Spree and Christmas from utter destruction?

Lohan Update of the Week

Another pop empreress without clothes?
Did Lindsay Lohan pull an Ashlee Simpson on 'Good Morning America' Monday? Viewers say that, at least at one point, Lohan appeared on camera with her mouth closed while, on the show's soundtrack, her voice continued to belt out the words to songs from her new album, 'Speak.' A spokeswoman for Lohan's label insisted that 'Lindsay sang completely live, the band was live and the background singers were live,' but added that 'the first song had some background. It's a little more rock and roll and needed it there. It's about how you make the song sound exactly like the record.' A 'GMA' spokeswoman commented, 'All musical acts that perform on 'Good Morning America' are required to perform live. On occasion, artists will have backing tracks to support their live vocals.' An unidentified insider tells Page Six that it would have been 'dicey to use [Lohan's] straight vocals.'
Of course, "dicey" is the new "talented".

We know a place no spaceships go...

The Arcade Fire has an exclusive single on iTunes, "No Cars Go". It's not as rapturous as, say, "Wake Up", "Neighborhood #2 (Laika)", or "Rebellion (Lies)", but that's some pretty tough company. It's odd listening to it, because I feel like, having bought the album and listened to it constantly, their songs are interconnected in some subconscious way. To add a new song to the mix, removed from the context of the album, is jarring. But still, worth the $.99.

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

I listen to the words but they fall far below/ I let my music take me where my heart wants to go...

Free show in Chicago! The Autumn Defense and some bands I've never heard of are playing a show at the Metro on December called Wes Anderson Rocks. Each band will cover songs from Wes Anderson movies. Sounds... free.
All four bands will play songs from all four of Anderson's movies. They'll even play a few of their own songs, which we're sure you'll want to hear too. All you have to do is show up Dec. 15 at Metro (3730 N. Clark St.).

Whitey sings the blues...

Wow. Was the House of Blues booked that night? John Mayer played a surprise "blues set" at the Viper Room. "This is a blues jam and that means there's no structure." What? I guess this is something they teach at Berklee, either in Blues for the Suburbs 101 or Stealing Black Music 243. Bruce Willis must be kicking himself that he was in D.C. last night, staring creepily at inner city kids, and couldn't jump onstage to blow some harp, baby. This reminds me of an article I read about John Mayer where, I swear to God, he said something along the lines of "Kids should be into the blues more. Like Bonnie Raitt."

Monday, December 06, 2004

You got one foot in your mouth/ the other foot in the grave...

You like the '70s cock rock? You like it when the ladies play it? You miss Heart? Listen to songs from the new Donnas album over at

I wanna live like common people/ I want to do what common people do...

Jonny Greenwood and Jarvis Cocker get Franz Ferdinand's sloppy seconds, but I think the world is better for it.

Comic books, the Bible, roadmaps, pornography/ anything you wanna read...

Publishers Weekly names Jon Stewart's "America (The Book)" as book of the year.

The T.V. crew was there to film it, they jumped right over me/ later on that evening, I watched it on T.V...

CBS has the Dylan "60 Minutes" interview online.

I can't name a Menuedo song, much less quote a lyric...

So going from singing in Menuedo to becoming a SWAT team member is actually a possible career move? To quote Yakov Smirnoff, "What a country!"

Sunday, December 05, 2004

Now Main Street's whitewashed windows and vacant stores/ Seems like there ain't nobody wants to come down here no more...

Springsteen represents for Asbury Park. They should start calling him the Philanthropist; the Boss is way too corporate.
Springsteen to Boost Local N.J. Economy

Springsteen is offering 10 people a pair of tickets to his Dec. 19 show at Harry's Roadhouse, along with the opportunity to meet him. But the only way to enter the contest is to visit a shop in Asbury Park.

The contest is the latest effort by Springsteen to help local businesses, said Eileen Chapman, president of the Merchants Guild of Asbury Park.

Saturday, December 04, 2004

I've been learning to drive/ my whole life...

I have been doggedly pursuing the story of the Arcade Fire making a D.C. appearance in late January. I am absolutely unfettered in my dogged pursuance. I am the doggedliest pursuer of stories. "Doggedly pursuing" means "to troll around on other blogs for info, post to your own blog, and insert a dick joke", correct? Thought so. Where's my fake pulitzer? Any which way, supposedly they are playing, and this information is straight from the francophone horse's mouth.

Replace Ed Bradley with Jenna Elfman and this is nothing new...

The more I read about the Dylan interview tomorrow night, the less excited I am about it. It's just overkill at this point. I mean, he just published his memoirs. He's done a Victoria's Secret commercial. He was on a goddamn episode of "Dharma & Greg"! He ain't exactly J.D. Salinger. (Or Pierre Salinger for that matter, who, being dead, would be a tough get. But one hell of a spooky interview.)

What Christmas means to me...

In honor of the Big J.C.'s birthday, betterPropaganda has an online advent calendar, complete with a hummer and random fireballs. Very Christmasy.

Friday, December 03, 2004

I wish my life was a non-stop hollywood movie show...

Henry Rollins scares the poop out of me. Personally, I'd be afraid to disagree with any of his cinematic insights. "Oh yes, Henry, I do agree that Under the Tuscan Sun was the feel-good movie of the year. Yes, Diane Lane was incandescent. What? Yes, of course I saw it, Henry. No, I'm not lying... Henry... that's hurting me... my... goddamn it Henry, my nipples aren't supposed to bleed!..." [falls unconscious. And... scene.]

Getting the band back together

The Black Cat has two interesting shows on their schedule back-to-back at the end of January. First up is the Jean Grae/Diverse show on the 21st. The next night is a Hoover reunion show for those of us who want to pretend to remember the good ol' days of the D.C. music scene.

Still no word on Arcade Fire, though.

From the Desk of Mr. Sheena Easton, Pt.V

When Mr. Sheena Easton isn't busting my chops, he's abandoning the steaming wreck he calls his life for a precious night at a time, following the Pixies around to the exotic locales of North America. This week: Lowell. Perhaps he made it a late night and taped a segment a segment for "Wild On: Lowell", drinking butterscotch schnapps while sitting Indian-style on Kerouac's grave. He calls it his art, I call it his slow fade into dementia; all I know is that he gets a government grant every few months to keep it up. I don't think this is so much a testiment to his genius as his insane capability for grant-writing.
18hr Wicked Awesome Le Monde:
The Pixies in Lowell
by Mr. Sheena Easton

When putting my foot in mouth, happens often, I really like my little toes. Something about being 6'3", well over two-hundred pounds—I like small things, and I really get into my pinky toe for some reason.

Did I say the Pixies were cashing in? That Charles Thompson perhaps would not give soft brown things for the popularity of his own rock band? That they could do without a live act? Heh, me dumb—will that do?

They played the Tsongas Arena last night... and blew the roof off that shoddy little Market Basket-sponsored rickshaw. More than that, Black talked to the crowd, shook things up with Kim (lecturing her on David Lynch—Jesus!), and even Joey Santiago walked up to the mic and said good night to the audience (he showed some face—rocking crazy new solos left and right). They were frisky, putting weird stops in their songs (mostly so Black could mop the flood of sweat off his pate) and slowing "Nimrod's Son" down to a dirge. And funny enough—no Disc Live (which smacked of the depths of the blackest psych-ops capitalism)!

Compared to Montreal: their set was not as heavy, but it sounded a bit more like music. Whether or not that was a good thing, they showed a heck of a lot of emotion. And late last night, they added a show to the Avalon for next week, basically saying (subliminally): we love our fans, we love what we're doing, it's 1989 all over again.

Of note as well: the audience was awesome.

Ghost, I know you secretly hold the band at arm's length—suspicious that this tour could really turn on its supporters and make them look feeble-minded and semen-colored. But if you can make a show, you better.
To clarify: I do not hold the band at arm's length. This is what psychologists call "transferrence". And I have never described anything as semen-colored; I'd call it mother-of-pearl. Because I'm an artist.

Also, the bastard scooped me. Tickets for the Avalon show in Boston next Thursday go on sale tomorrow (that's some short notice) at noon, at, among other places, in logic that has always left me light-headed, the Orpheum box office (but not at Avalon).

There was Christmas Eve day/ In the drunk tank...

Just in time for the holidays, a story about the Pogues reunion. If you're a fan, I highly recommend getting a hold of the DVD If I Should Fall From Grace—The Shane MacGowan Story.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

When does the Mike Wallace/Lindsay Lohan interview air?

Bob Dylan gets all interviewed up on "60 Minutes" this Sunday, taped in one of my favorite places, Northampton, Mass. Ed Bradley spends the whole interview skirting the issue of how Bob Dylan's "Down-Home Fly- and Gnat-Away Apple Spray" has been shown to break down into cancer-causing toxins, and as a result has economically damaged the apple growers of the northwest. Ed Bradley's really lost a step.

It's been a while, but...

Lindsay Lohan update! Her album is streaming on's The Leak. Will I listen to the album? Most likely not. Will I look at the picture of the young Ms. Lohan reclining on her back, cradling a guitar? Perhaps in my loneliest moments.

What kind of a dad would let his teenage daughter's sexuality be so aggressively marketed? Oh, this kind of dad. I am just shocked. Absolutely shocked. I am so shocked I have to look at that picture again.

You are my only girl, but you're not my owner girl...

Hot Hot Heat's new album, Elevator, will be out in early April, with the first single, "You Own Me an IOU" (ugh) due in March. The tracklisting:

Running Out Of Time
Island Of The Honest Man
Dirty Mouth
You Owe Me An IOU
No Jokes - Fact
Goodnight, Goodnight
Middle Of Nowhere
Pickin' It Up
Ladies and Gentlemen
Shame On You
Soldier In A Box
Jingle Jangle

Follow the day and reach for the sun...

The Nobel Prize concert, Oslo's hottest ticket of the season, featuring the Polyphonic Spree, will be broadcast on E! on December 23, followed by a special edition of "Wild On: the Fjord". Maybe they'll get the Nobel Prize for Ass-Rocking Live Act. Speaking of which, the Spree's trying to rock the vote, asking people to vote for them as "Best Live Act" on the Playboy website, which is a great excuse for looking at porn at work.

"Whatcha doin', Tony?"
"Voting for the Polyphonic Spree as best live act on"
"Seems to me like you're looking at boobies."
"That too."

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Kicking Television

It's a long way off, but there are two shows of interest coming up on Austin City Limits: Wilco/Bright Eyes on January 8 and the Pixies on Jaurary 29. That's January 2005, people. The future. Will the future bring us wonders, like robot waiters and hovercrafts, or will it bring us horrible atrocities like nuclear holocaust and the ascension of a tyrranical primate government? Only time will tell. All I know is that you can't mark your calenders now, because you're waiting for that Dilbert calender to be half-price. Because you are a cheapskate, no matter what year it is.

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